Chicken Pizza Protocol
Operation: Chicken Pizza – High Protein Edition
"I want pizza. But I want to survive. Enter: Crustlock Override."
— Ash, Journal Entry #2149
Loadout
- 12.5 oz canned chicken, drained like your willpower before recovery
- 22.5g grated Parmesan (a.k.a. relic dust)
- 1 egg (don’t forget this like a rookie)
- Seasonings of your choice (Ash used garlic, chili flakes, and regret)
Crafting Instructions
- Drain chicken. Like, really drain it. This ain’t soup.
- Mix chicken + Parm + egg + rage. Stir until it forms a dough-like consistency.
- Preheat oven to 450°F — do this first unless you enjoy standing around like a glitching bot.
- Spread that meat paste thin as a lie on parchment paper.
- Bake at 450°F for 10 minutes.
- Add your toppings (Ash used cheese & buffalo sauce from the old world).
- Toss back in for 5 more minutes.
- Clean your damn mess. The shadows love a cluttered mindspace.
🧾 Final Stats
- ✔️ 477 calories
- ✔️ 64g protein
- ✔️ 0g bullshit
Voice Log: Ash
"It looked like hell. It tasted like hope. Eat it before it mutates."